Becoming More of Myself

It is the 17th of January 2023rd, 20:46

I just had a call with my first & now ex-coach, who was helping me create & start my coaching business. 

He just told me that for his business to grow, he & his copartner decided to narrow the niche for the people they want to work with, and I am outside that niche.

He stated it kindly & respectfully, and I accepted it with a smile and a heavy, painful lump in my throat.

I invested nine months of almost everyday effort & all the money I had into this path. I read my first book in English, created a program & offer in the first phase of our work together, and built a beautiful momentum toward my vision of becoming a coach. I was feeling high energy during that first phase.

For some moments, I thought this was my calling & this is what I want to become in the outer world – a coach—a person who helps others transform their lives.

I attached to that vision.

After we ended the call, I allowed myself to cry the emotions out but didn’t allow myself to feel sorry for myself.

I did that by choosing the perspective of how I thought about what had just happened.

I recognized I don’t care if I become a coach, and it doesn’t mean I will not. At this moment, I don’t know that. The only thing I care about is sharing my truth & my message with others and empowering others to live a life that is more true to themselves.

I don’t care what I am or will become for the outer world, I only care about what I will evolve from the inside, and I have no fears about the future. 

Every time something ends, it creates a space for new, more incredible things to get into our lives, and that is what I believe with all my heart.

I needed this to end to be in this place of the unknown, open to embracing something new that aligns more with my inner world. 

I keep trusting the Universe and my heart. I will be sharing my inner journey with others & doing my best to enjoy my daily life by reminding myself not to resist whatever the present moment takes.

So even if I had that heavy & painful lump in my throat during the call, I could see the beauty in what was happening. When he told me we needed to end our work together, I didn’t resist what was. I smiled & said, “If you made a decision that is the best for you, that means it is also the best for me.”

And one thing that is very important to mention. During the second phase of our work together, which was about finding my first client, the high energy & excitement I was feeling during the first phase started to dissolve, and the feelings of confusion & frustration began to show up within me.

But I was attached to the connection I had with my coach & to my vision of becoming a coach. So even if all the actions in the second phase I had to do were utterly ethical, I knew that my actions during that phase were not in alignment with my heart. And even if I knew it, I couldn’t decide to end our work because of that attachment. 

But he did it.

And after I allowed myself to feel the emotions & cry it all out, I felt deep peace within me. I became more of myself. I recognized I am free to choose what I would invest my trust, time, effort, energy & money in once again.

And I sat down and started writing this text.

I do not fear “failing” again, and I do not worry about “wasting” my time, energy & money again because, in reality, I am not failing & I am not wasting anything. I am investing it all in the search for my life path & greater meaning of why I am here on this planet.

And even if the journey sometimes means “failing” & feeling sad, the beauty is that I am enjoying my inner journey with an open heart by asking myself: “How can I share my message with others, serve others & feel wholly aligned with doing it?” And that is why I can see the beauty even in moments of my sadness.

Writing is one of the answers. 

With the feeling of alignment,

Ivana